Janken, (Rock-Paper-Scissors for you Gaijins) is a competition that demands the utmost of determination and skill. Hosting endless layers of mindgames upon mindgames behind its deceivingly simple ruleset, it is not an activity to be partaken by the simple-minded. So imagine my surprise and delight when I would find such a game to be offered on a non-Japanese service such as Steam.

Unlike in countries with inferior cultures (take the United States for example with its barbarous sports like Football and Rugby where those primitive apes thoughtlessly throw themselves at each other. I imagine it is due to the resulting brain damage that the East has evolved to be more intelligent than the West), where it is treated as a mere children’s game, Janken is an artform in Japan, as obvious as it should be through the likes of manga such as "Kaiji"and "Liar Game" (Ignore the simpletons that recommend you to simply “watch the anime”. Their brains, likely atrophied by years of Transformers and Superhero flicks, cannot comprehend that absorbing both is integral to the artists’ intended experience).

In fact, I think the only thing that would make this game better is if it were made by the Japanese. They would take it a step beyond what the Western developers have created by tailoring a deep and intricately woven backstory for each character. The main character would be brooding and mysterious, if only due to his troubled past which will be revealed over the course of the campaign. Rocky would have had a rough childhood, having been teased all his life for his genetic deformity caused by the accident that lost him both of his parents. Randy would have grown up in the slums, and would have slowly risen to the top through sheer will and determination. And of course the female would have been a childhood friend of the main character who made a promise to one day marry him. With such modifications, the game could possibly exceed “G-senjou no Maou - The Devil on G-String” as the greatest game on Steam (a nod to my fellow G-senjou no Maou enthusiasts), but I digress.

I have seen several criticisms of the game containing only a single player campaign. These cancerous philistines are everything wrong with the state of Western gaming. A multiplayer experience cannot provide the tempestuous rollercoaster of emotional highs and lows that a precariously crafted single-player game can. I am immensely grateful that the Japanese industry does not so easily succumb to the demands of the degenerate masses and refuses to arbitrarily add multiplayer into games that clearly don’t need it.

In either case, the developers at Wholetone Games have proven themselves sufficiently competent by expertly building upon the existing Janken formula (a task I previously thought impossible). Through careful placement of strategic combo moves, players have to put infinitely more thought into their turn (a concept that may be difficult for our Western counterparts to comprehend). With its near-perfect composition of intellectual stimulation and emotional depth, I wholeheartedly recommend Ｊａｎｋｅｎ　ｃｈａｎｐｉｏｎ (Rock Paper Scissors Champion) to all lovers of high-quality entertainment.

Addendum: please offer a Japanese version of the opening theme