Wanted to ask you something about a mutual American friend

Someone had brought their new gaming laptop to class. He had already reinforced his desk with steel support beams and was in the process of finding an outlet for a power cable thicker than Amy Schumer's thigh. I keep telling myself I'm going to be alright and that there's nothing to worry about. He somehow finds a ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ outlet. Tears down my cheeks as I send my last texts. The teacher starts the lecture, and the student turns his laptop on. The colored lights on his RGB Backlit keyboard flare to life like a nuclear flash, and a deep humming fills my ears and shakes my very soul. The entire city power grid goes dark. The classroom begins to shake as the massive fans begin to spin. In mere seconds my world has gone from vibrant life, to a dark, earth shattering void where my body is getting torn apart by the 150mph gale force winds and the 500 decibel groan of the cooling fans. As my body finally surrenders, I weep, as my school and my city go under. I ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ hate gaming laptops.

En Taro Adun, Executor. I am Judicator Aldaris, and I have been sent by the Conclave to serve and counsel you. The former Executor, Tassadar, was commanded to halt the Zerg progress in the Terran sector by burning the infested human worlds. Unfortunately, he disregarded his orders and attempted to destroy the Zerg while sparing the Terrans from the flame. Clearly, Tassadar has failed us. You must not. The Conclave has dictated that our first priority is to strengthen our defenses. You must reinforce our outpost in Antioch and make certain that the province does not fall to the Zerg. Your old comrade, Praetor Fenix, will meet you there and assist you in this endeavor.

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YOU HAVE JUST BEEN ♥♥♥♥♥ SLAPPED!!!!! YOU ARE NOW
OFFICIALLY MY ♥♥♥♥♥

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