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报告翻译问题

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Ah I see, living humans who aren't 10 years older than you because that's illegal.
but only if he decides to finally come home. Daddy doesn't love me anymore and the only affection I get is from my online roblox gf. We talk on skype sometimes and I think she's a 45year old man but I will never find a love as true and strong as the one I have with my body pillow of her. She's my wAIFU 4 LAIfu and my dad doesn't want to come home to a disappointment of a child who watches loli hentai because the tentacles make it realize that life has no meaning when its father is an undercover priest working to expose child predators like my glucose daddi3 that i found on reddit's cesspools of fake accounts used to catch the ultimate pokemon.
ur a cuTI3 XD XDXDXDXD
OWO
rLLy??1!1
;W;
*nOTICes ur bULGE*
OWO wuTS THis?
*flopS neXt to you*
OWO
what's this
*pEts*
WHAt'S THis
UWU
nYaa~