I'm not sure where to start with you. First of all, I don't even want to type what you did and put others through that, but eight hundred packs of cheese and onion crisps? What were you thinking? That poor nursing home will never be the same, not to mention the cost of their laundry by the time they got all of the syrup out of the curtains, and the local cats won't be the same again either.

Then there's the second time round with the rubber ducks, how much did that even cost you? And all that washing up liquid? You evacuated half of the town centre, all for a TikTok? I just pity the poor custodians that had to tidy that up, I'm also certain that the corner shop had to rip the floors up just to get rid of the smell!

And finally, I'm not even going to go into the hand grenade in the drawer, that was too far, even if it "wasn't real because Kev said his grandad got it from Turkey in the war".