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报告翻译问题

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░░░░ ▐ ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° '▌░░░▀█▄
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▄░▐░░░▄▄░█░▀▀ U HAVE BEEN BANGED BY THE
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░░░░░░▐▌▀▄▀▄▀▐▄SPOOKY BOOTY BANGER
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............/...//........................................\\...\
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...../´¯/..../´¯\...................................../¯`\....\¯`\...
.././.. /..../..../. |_...EPIC STORE.....|..\....\....\...\..\
(.(....(....(..../.) ..)..........................(...(.\....).....)...).)
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...\.................(.................................)................../
Waifus are both the light and the darkness. They bring people together while also tearing them apart. They make you smile and cry, they're so warm yet so cold, so close yet so far away. A person's waifu is a reflection of who they are, what they want in life or maybe just some love that they desire so much. To know that you will never be able to feel their touch or see their smile in person is heartbreaking and may drag some people down but for some, it's motivation to keep pushing forward and maybe, just maybe, if there's a next life, they will get to meet their waifu in person, to see their smile or to hold their hand.
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░░░░▒░█────▄█▒░░▄░█─────DO────
░░░░░░░▀▄─▄▀▒▀▀▀▄▄▀────YOU────
░░░░░░░░░█▒░░░░▄▀─────WANT────
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▓▓▓▓▒░█▒░░░░░█▄─────TASTE──────
█████▀▒░░░░░█░▀▄─────OF───────
█████▒▒░░░▒█░░░▀▄─────THIS─────
███▓▓▒▒▒▀▀▀█▄░░░░█─────CUMMY?─
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It would seem as though they never fail to hit any of their shots, do they?
Ah, it seems as though you are currently in a romantic relationship with another man. I would wager that despite this, he does not give you any kisses.
I predict that he will engage in a relationship with another woman and, given his lack of affection for you, he will probably not keep you in his memory for very long.
To top it off, he will most likely make a "Skrrt" sound, reminiscent of the sound of screeching car wheels, then go on to perform a so called "dab", in the same manner as the prominent celebrity Wiz Khalifa.
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,,.ィ" )
/ \
/ / ./ /| ! , ',
| | .,' /´|___/| /! | | ヽ
! | .| /r‐‐r└' !、 」_!`| |
| | !/|、 弋_,リ |_lj |/ .,' ,
| | ⊂⊃ ' ⊂! /、 _ ,,,/,'.'/
| | | ',=/^^)==ニ二__ l l See ya!
| | ト _/ ̄::く`ー-'、  ̄\', .,'
| | | ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄:::::::::::/:::::::|
| ∧ !::::::::::::::::::::::::/:::::ノ
| / l |::::::::::::::::::::/i::::::/
| ,イ ! |:::::::j ̄ ̄::::::::l
─=≡Σ((( つ◕ل͜◕)つ (ง •̀_•́)ง┌(° ͜ʖ͡°)┘(ง ͠ ͠° ل͜ °)งᕙ༼◕ل͜◕༽ᕗ
Sorry, I dropped my Ultra Variety Pack bag of Dongers.
ヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ノ ༼ ºل͟º ༽ ୧༼ ͡◉ل͜ ͡◉༽୨ (ง ͠° ل͜ °)ง ヽ༼ʘ̚ل͜ʘ̚༽ノ
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…..'|:::::::,': : : : : : :_„„-: : : : : : : : ~--„_: |'
……|::::::|: : : „--~~'''~~''''''''-„…_..„~''''''''''''¯¯|¯",
……|:::::,':_„„-|: : :_„---~: : :|''¯¯''''|: ~---„_: |¯¯|
…..,~-,_/'': : : |: :(_ o__): : |: : : :|:(_o__): \.. |
…../,'-,: : : : : ''-,_______,-'': : : : ''-„______\-'
…..\: :|: : : : : : : : : : : : : :„: : : : :-,: : : : : :\
……',:': : : : : : : : : : : : :,-'__: : : :_',: : : : ,'
…….'-,-': : : : : :___„-: : :'': : ¯''~~'': ': : ~--|'
……….|: ,: : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : :|
……….'|: \: : : : : : : : -,„_„„-~~--~--„_: : : | Dangit, Bobbeh
…...…..|: \: : : : : : : : : : : :-------~: : : : : |
………..|: :''-,: : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : :|
,―-y'"'~"゙´ |
ヽ ´ ∀ ` ゙':
ミ .,/) 、/)
゙, "' ´''ミ
ミ ;:'
'; 彡
(/~"゙''´~"U
/^l
,―-y'"'~"゙´ |
ヽ ´ ∀ ` ゙':
ミ .,/) 、/)
゙, "' ´''ミ
ミ ;:'
'; 彡
(/~"゙''´~"U
/^l
,―-y'"'~"゙´ |
ヽ ´ ∀ ` ゙':
ミ .,/) 、/)
゙, "' ´''ミ
ミ ;:'
'; 彡
(/~"゙''´~"U
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▄░▐░░░▄▄░█░▀▀ U HAVE BEEN SPOOKED BY THE
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░░░░░░▐▌▀▄▀▄▀▐▄SPOOKY SKILENTON( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
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