XeniumResonator 最近的评测

I have never felt disappointment on such a grand scale ever before. When I first realised that 'Granny', the definitive interactive experience of all time and reality had two sequels, I was ecstatic. I felt the way that Christians felt every time God announced a new Bible entry all those years ago. "This ain't no Exodus" I thought. Instead, I said aloud "This is Granny!". I put my money and my trust in to 'Granny: Chapter Two' the way that a mother puts her trust in to the doctor of her dying child. I took DVloper's hand once again, believing with every fibre of my being that I would not be disappointed.

Of course, my trust was scrunched in to a ball and thrown in to the trash. DVloper took my money, and gave me hell. I loved 'Granny'. I ADORED 'Granny'. And now, DVloper's newest character Grandpa is here to steal away my Granny. It's sad. You know, when you purchase an interactive experience where the primary title is 'Granny', and the subtitle does NOT make any mention of a Grandpa, it is very, VERY hurtful when you load the interactive experience, and are met with this creepy old man who's almost certainly boning your Granny. I mean, that's why you're there at Granny's house in the first place, right? It's a bit of a Stockholm Syndrome situation. That was the entire point of 'Granny'. But with Grandpa's presence in the house, all of that is taken away. The experience becomes no more than "player makes noise, old people chase".

It's lame. It's depressing. And to add insult to injury, Granny and Grandpa both have this weird mutant baby thing chained up in their back yard, which is almost certainly their child. So, on the plus, you know that Granny is still fertile, but on the negative, she's already been taken by Grandpa. They have what appears to be a loving union together. The fantasy of being the key to Granny's padlock that was seeded in the first entry is now totally destroyed. Now, you have absolutely no choice but to run from Granny and Grandpa. You can't sneak a good look at Granny... Her ripe lips, her gorgeous bingo-wings, and her silky hair...

The thing is, while you CAN disable Grandpa from the start menu, it's not really the damned point, is it? It's completely warped. On one hand, you want to honour DVloper's grand vision by using the interactive experience as it was intended. i.e: Granny and Grandpa are both in the house. Unfortunately, DVloper's grand vision DOES contain Grandpa. He is meant to be there. If you remove Grandpa from the experience, then you can't call yourself a true follower. This is my huge gripe. Wrapping back around to Christianity, my analogy here would be akin to the way that some Christians pick and choose the rules they follow. In this sense, very few people can call themselves a 'true' Christian. Same way that if you interact with 'Granny: Chapter Two' with the omission of Grandpa, I suppose you're not really a true DVloper follower... This moral dilemma is tearing me apart.

Not to mention that even if you *do* disable Grandpa, it's cruel to Granny. You're removing the one man that Granny even loves anymore. And on top of that, the heightened silence in the house when you do remove Grandpa is just sad. At times, I think I can hear Granny crying through the walls ever so slightly. Not only is she missing Grandpa, but you're forced to admit that she would rather cry herself to sleep than spend quality time with you. 'Granny: Chapter Two' has destroyed everything I care about in 'Granny'. I absolutely cannot believe this.

When you do endure the experience with Grandpa enabled, it's a slog. It's horrible. That old man is ALWAYS the first one to catch you. He's far more mobile, and he's just... SO annoying. Granny was graceful with her approach to a home intruder, but Grandpa is just straight-to-the-point in a way that rubs me the wrong way. Is he REALLY an old man? Or is he a young man wearing a convincing mask? Because with how fast Grandpa mobilises, it's quite questionable. The way that stupid dumbass moans "I sEe YoU!!1" every time he spots you just fills you with momentary dread every time. Why couldn't it have been Granny who noticed you? Being noticed by Granny is the only reason I even use the damned interactive experience. It's miserable.

Sometimes, I like to get the shotgun, and shoot their weird demon child in the back garden in the hopes that the loss of a child will cause Granny and Grandpa to get a divorce. Only issue then is which one has the housing rights. Hopefully, if Granny moves out, she'll take me with her like some kind of pet. In my head, that's the ideal way that this all plays out.

In closing, there is nothing I find redeemable about 'Granny: Chapter Two'. If we're still comparing the 'Granny' series to the Holy Bible, then I would put it this way: It's like if the guy(s) who wrote 'Genesis' went on to write '50 Shades of Grey'. 'Granny' will always have a place where my heart used to be. But 'Granny: Chapter Two' is dead to me. In fact, I like to imagine it was never alive to me to begin with. Though I will always live with the knowledge that in the five minutes I knew about 'Granny: Chapter Two' before actually experiencing it, I thought it would be worth it... I'm heartbroken. DVloper, you didn't just drop the ball, you created a universe of happiness, and in one fell swoop, destroyed it all.

Protect your money. Buy 'Granny' 1,000 times on 1,000 different Steam accounts. But whatever you do, do NOT purchase 'Granny: Chapter Two'.

I used to have a very limited, shallow understanding of what video games are, or more accurately, what it means for a video game to truly excel. To be 'excellent'. I used to sit down a few times every week as my younger self, and play mindless, soulless experiences such as 'Half-Life', 'Halo', and 'Bad Rats', all the time believing that what I was playing was the pinnacle of "video game" entertainment.

Then, in December of 2017, something happened. An unheard-of game named 'Granny' found itself spontaneously thrust on to the iOS platform. At first, I thought it to be just another entry in a long list of failed mobile games that would soon fizzle out in to total obscurity. If only I had realized at the time that 'Granny' would become the defining interactive experience of not only that year, but the whole decade, and perhaps, though it is yet to be seen, maybe even the entire century. Now that it has found itself on Steam, we can only be eternally grateful to those in charge.

You see, I don't think there is a single interactive experience to date that has deserved the distinction of being labelled a masterpiece more than DVloper's 'Granny'. Where the 'Half-Life's and 'Death Stranding's of the gaming world stumbled, 'Granny' triumphed. It put its boot upon the heads of those inferior products, and gazed valiantly in to the rays of success cast down from heaven by its benevolent developer.

In some ways, I believe that calling 'Granny' a "game" is actually unjust. Nay, I think that to label something so unimaginably passionate, and masterfully crafted as 'Granny' as merely a "game" is an almost criminal slap in the face to not only DVloper, the experience's creator, and not only the experience itself, but ultimately, humanity at large. That's a bold statement, I know - so allow me to justify this in a somewhat prompt, but adequate manner:

Starting from humanity's infancy, where we would mindlessly light fires just to watch flames dance, and paint ourselves in charcoal crudely on walls of stone, we, regardless of the pointlessness of our actions, would still go about performing said actions in ways that no living being other than ourselves could ever hope to comprehend. Those mindlessly lit fires were still conjured by a smart, intelligent mind. We are the only species to be so innovative. We have carried ourselves throughout the aeons - outrun disasters that would shake the foundations of other species; if not, send them over the edge to their bloody ends.

In the mid-seventeen hundreds, we decided that once again, we would push ourselves in to a new, shining era of technological advancement. We began - slowly, but surely - to automate industrial processes. This renaissance which we would later come to know as the industrial revolution laid the foundations for a whole host of technologies that nowadays, the vast majority of the human race couldn't hope to forego. An important detail to note however is that the industrial revolution was not a movement directed at random by a cabal of mankind's most powerful and influential minds.

Granted, the minds involved in bringing about the industrial revolution were indeed some of our brightest, but the revolution we experienced was in fact a chain reaction, spurred on by some single innovation which simply inspired subsequent innovations going forward. This is a very significant example of the butterfly effect, and goes to prove that quite often, when advancements of such significance are made, it opens the doors to entire new realms of possibility. Without innovation, we are doomed to stagnate.

This is where 'Granny' truly shines. 'Granny' - as an interactive experience of unmatched fear factor, unrivaled storytelling, and a level of puzzle design so finely woven in to the 3D environment in which the entire experience takes place that the immersion is enough to dizzy a man - is not only the finest example of interactivity that I have personally ever experienced (and one which I sincerely doubt will ever be surpassed in my mind), but also serves importantly as a seed from which an entirely new tree of subsequent interactive experiences will blossom with time. Surely, any interactive experience which takes any of the correct lessons away from the design of 'Granny' will have its work cut out for it.

My professional projections indicate that by 2045, the knock-on effects of the release of 'Granny' will have produced such a profound change, not just with regards the "gaming" sphere, but to society at large, that in Russia, Ghana, Poland, Ukraine, and the Czech Republic, the indie "game" industry will have inflated by, at the very least, a staggering 7,750% in overall value, producing interactive experiences which not only rival those of the biggest modern triple-A "games" companies in the West, but more often than not, even knock their products out of the park.

Science and math have proven all I've claimed here time and time again, and will continue to do so until the end of foreseeable time. Like the Fibonacci spiral, the truth that 'Granny' is a fundamental constant of reality itself permeates all that can be seen. It hides in plain view, staring us all in the eyes. It is only once we first acknowledge it that we begin the voyage towards ultimate enlightenment.

'Granny' should be treated rightfully. It should be considered as integral as numbers zero through nine. 'Granny' should be woven in to the tapestry of all "game" stores and services, and I would argue that 'Granny's exceptional qualities earn it a rightful place on the front pages of every online "video game" retailers' store(s). I argue that 'Granny' actually sets the bar so high that it would be reasonable to have all other interactive experiences that tried, and failed to do what 'Granny' did, be permanently erased from all storefronts that they share with 'Granny' as a sign of respect. 'Granny' crawled from the ashes of mobile "gaming" hell, and matured in to a truly interactive experience. 'Granny' became a PC experience when no other mere "game" had the balls to do so, and it deserves to be set apart from its competitors based purely on this fact alone.

You do NOT just simply "play" 'Granny'. No. You EXPERIENCE 'Granny'. You spend the £3.99 that you can just about scrape together, you compensate DVloper with said money, you install the experience, and you EXPERIENCE it. Not only do you naturally owe DVloper the bare minimum of £3.99, you owe it to yourself to at least spend the time trying, however feebly, to wrap your fragile mind around the near-incomprehensibly sheer incredibility by which 'Granny' conducts itself. And if you fail to understand it, it's in your best interest to try again. And again. Try as hard as you can to understand what you are truly experiencing, lest you continue to live your life in relative misery and emptiness. If you don't aspire to understand 'Granny' the way that I do, then you are no friend of mine.

I have a lot to say, and SO wish I could delve in to what makes 'Granny' so significant, but unfortunately, due to Steam's character limit for reviews, I am regrettably unable to fulfill this wish of mine. I would like to instead quickly underline the fact that if you go out of your way to pirate 'Granny', then not only do I hold no respect towards you whatsoever, but I in fact despise you personally. There is a special place in the bowels of the ninth circle of hell for absolute scum such as yourself. If you pirate 'Granny', even once, then there is no redemption to be had for you. No forgiveness. And ultimately, I hope you get what's coming to you. £3.99 is pocket change, and your disgusting refusal to reimburse the messianic DVloper for his countless development hours, even for the beyond-generous sum of £3.99 is frankly disturbing.

£3.99. Experience it.