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报告翻译问题

I invited him to my house for a csgo lan party. He said he was coming so i was looking forward to meeting him in real life.
When he arrived at my house, he pushed me against the wall and started nibbling my ear, i felt his hard♥♥♥♥♥♥push against my leg. I punched him and then 1 tapped him. Turns out he was gay.
love and waffles, t3h PeNgU1N oF d00m
my efforts were futile. Once he made a little chef's hat for a ferret. I kept telling him "Dan that's
your ear, not a hat", but he couldn't hear me. So this haiku is for my best Dan named friend.
Anger controls you
Stop making skin clothing
Surpress the darkness
…………………...☼☼
……………… …*•○♥○•*
……………… .*♥♫♀♂♫♥*’
………..……*♥•♦►♫◄••♥*
……………*♥☺▬♥☺♥▬☺♥*
………….*♥•♥▬#♠ ♥#▬♥•*♥*
…………*♥♫♥♥▬♫♥ ♥♫▬♥*♫*
………*♥☺♥☺♥♫*♣♥♫♥☺♥☺ ♥*
…….*♥♣♫♥♣♥❆♥❉♥✻♥❆♥❉♣♥*
★░░░█▄░▄█ █▀▀ █▀█ █▀█ █░█ ░░★░░
░░★░█░▀░█ █▀▀ ██▀ ██▀ ▀█▀ ░░░░░
★░░░▀░░░▀ ▀▀▀ ▀░▀ ▀░▀ ░▀░ ░░★░░
█▀▀ █░█ █▀█ █ █▀▀ ▀█▀ █▄░▄█ █▀█ █▀▀
█░░ █▀█ ██▀ █ ▀▀█ ░█░ █░▀░█ █▀█ ▀▀█
▀▀▀ ▀░▀ ▀░▀ ▀ ▀▀▀ ░▀░ ▀░░░▀ ▀░▀ ▀▀▀
One was infected and then there were four
Four little survivors, one hiding with glee
The other stepped on a cactus and then there were three
Three little survivors, they tried to break through
One was eaten and then there were two
Two little survivors... they thought I'd be fun
The axe struck his skull, and then... there was one ;)