THOUSANDS OF YEARS AGO, before the dawn of man as we knew him, there was Sir Santa of Claus, an ape-like creature making crude and pointless toys out of dinobones and his own waste, hurling them at chimp-like creatures with crinkled hands regardless of how they behaved the previous year.
These so-called "toys" were buried as witches, and defecated upon, and hurled at predators when wakened by the searing grunts of children.
It wasn't a holly jolly Christmas that year. For many were killed...