This guy took me to Thorpe Park, sold me to a hot dog merchant and then pooped on the log flume. 10/10 would recommend

I heard this guy bragging about how he could take on demons just like Samanosuke—said he had “the spirit of a warrior” and a sword he'd bought off eBay. First demon he saw, he screamed, threw the sword like a shuriken (it hit an innocent passer-by), and then he went and hid in a rice barrel for three days. Samanosuke found him later, still in the barrel crying, insisting it was all part of his “stealth strategy.”

This guy once saved a cat from a burning building and then gave it a new home. He named the cat "Flambe" and they had a real special bond together

This guy just approached me behind Greggs, trench coat flapping in the wind, and whispered, ‘You look like someone who appreciates premium spin tech.’ He then dramatically revealed a briefcase full of obviously fake Beyblades—one had Pikachu stickers on it, another was literally just a fidget spinner glued to a decapitated tuna can lid. He claimed they were ‘limited-edition prototypes.’ When I asked why one was still warm, he just said, ‘Fresh off the forge, baby.’ I ran. I ran fast.

Once took my mum out after meeting on tinder, he was a gentleman and made sure she had a really good time. He also paid for the bill without prompt. 10/10 would recommend as future father figure.