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报告翻译问题

I've been gaming long enough to smell a rat, and today, my friend, I'm smellin' a whole dang infestation. Your aim was so on point it's like you had a GPS in your brain, and your reflexes were faster than a cat on a hot tin roof. You ain't foolin' nobody.
I don't know what kind of thrill you get from ruining the game for the rest of us, but it's not cool. We're all here to have a good time, not to get stomped on by someone bending the rules like a pretzel.
Sort yourself out or find another game to ruin.
I'm sure you already know, but I ran into your wife on a business trip to Austin a few weeks ago; I believe she said she was going to some healthcare convention. Anyways, she told me all about the family, and how Jacob's getting married soon, that's crazy! It seems like just yesterday he was running around with Steven in the back yard. Speaking of Steven, he joined the military and is going overseas in a couple months.
We should visit soon, it'd be nice to get the families together again, especialy before Steven gets shipped out.
I hope you're doing well, and I know it's your birthday, so I just wanted to wish you a good one! We sure are getting old, aren't we! Haha!
Take care, and tell the family I said hello!