Splunge 最近的评测

Fish

Relic Employee 1: "Hey, we should make another Dawn of War game, utilising the best parts of the first and second games on a larger scale!"

Relic Employee 2: "Oh hey, I have a better idea! What if we did none of that?!

10 months later

Relic Employee 2: "Wow this franchise is dead, I can't belive this didn't work. Let's never fix it."

In the grim darkness of the 41st Millennium, there are only two frames per second.

For more than a hundred centuries the player has sat upon the loading screen.

No amount of daily Psyker sacrifices can keep this game alive in its current state.

Cast it back into the warp from whence it came.

It's crap.

5 minutes into the game, a grown man with a thick european accent greeted me with a distorted "HALLO THERE, FRIEND!", threw ping pong balls at my head, then pretended to jerk off my avatar whilst giggling to himself. Then we played paintball. Good fun.

I wandered around a dated Arma map for an hour until a slavic man killed me for my bright green tracksuit.
I presumed he was slavic because he seemed rather inebriated by the way he was shambling towards me, then he screamed and retched while clawing at my face.

I expected more for twenty quid.

It's times like these I wish the cold embrace of death would take me quickly. But here I am, force feeding small dinosaurs berries as they sleep in the hope that after a few hours they will love me. I wish the same technique worked on my wife.

- Dedicate hours every day to building a meager hut to sleep in, only to have it destroyed in seconds by another player!

- Respawn and get immediately killed by a large, high leveled creature!

- Respawn again and try desperately to find and recover what's left of your hard work.

- Better fill your inventory with food and drink items becuase you'll be needing them every 30 seconds!

- Experience sensory overload from the constant, multi-coloured comic sans text promps flooding your screen. "You
defecated", "You're thirsty again", "Your legs are ok", "You feel a great pain in the 4th toe on your left foot" "Your wife's son, Jerome, is trapped in the void and needs your help".

- Not content with the jungle lifestyle? Buy the DLC and die of thirst in a barren desert! Alone!

- Got a mid-range PC? Enjoy a Cinematic™ framerate!

- Spent more on your PC than you did on your house? Listen to your fans scream in delight over the gorgeous mess of
assets pasted all over the floor, at a Cinematic™ framerate! All courtesy of UE4!

- Got friends? Convince them to spend £50/$60 and help you build your empire of dirt!

- Want friends? The fanbase has some of the most toxic, immature and outright delusional people on the internet, you can easily convince them to play with you!