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报告翻译问题

Chad
I have just had a stressful day caring for a school of disabled orphans. Being the good samaritan that i am i donated the majority of my savings to this school. So you could imagine my shock and horror when i found out that membership fees have arisen. Can i not just wank off to a good ol' anal complation after a hards day work? as a result of this i had to steal little jeremies collection of big booty puerto rican godess magazines (jeremy being an orphan with acute spinal disfiguration) so i am asking you as a member and as a friend. Please lower the prices.
,Regards Your biggest fan