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报告翻译问题

I invited him to my house for a csgo lan party. He said he was coming so i was looking forward to meeting him in real life.
When he arrived at my house, he pushed me against the wall and started nibbling my ear, i felt his hard ♥♥♥♥ push against my leg. I punched him and then 1 tapped him. Turns out he was gay. Don't trust this guy.
server owned by sperggang
This is the Australian state police it has came to our attention that a large quantity of child porn has came from you IP we hope this isnt your activity we have picked up on but for now you are put under probation.
Thanks,
Australian State Police
We regret to inform you that your Commonwealth Bank Platinum Mastercard titled "Mum's Visa" has been declined. Any of your latest purchases will not be processed due to suspicious activities. To unlock your card for further use, please confirm your recent purchases and total cost with your local bank.
The listing follows:
- 1x Bad Dragon Cole XL Dildo (12') $89.99
- 1x Bad Dragon Plushie $12.99
- 6x Durex Condoms (Small) $24.45
- 5x Bananas $7.00
- 5x Cucumbers $4.00
- 1x FeelsLikeBlood Lube Bottle 750ml $19.99
- 6x Fireball flavoured sex-lube 500ml $16.95
- 1x Next day shipping $45.00
- 1x Frequent Shopper Discount (15%)
Total payment: $187.31
Thanks,
Brad
Commonwealth Bank Account Manager
𝚃𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚖𝚊𝚗 𝚒𝚜 𝚂𝙴𝚅𝙴𝚁𝙴𝙻𝚈 ♥♥♥♥.
𝙳𝚘 𝚗𝚘𝚝 𝚖𝚊𝚔𝚎 𝚕𝚘𝚞𝚍 lubrication 𝚗𝚘𝚒𝚜𝚎𝚜 𝚗𝚎𝚊𝚛 𝚑𝚒𝚖.
𝙳𝚘 𝚗𝚘𝚝 𝚜𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚎 𝚋𝚛𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝 bad dragon dildos 𝚗𝚎𝚊𝚛 𝚑𝚒𝚖, as he may ♥♥♥♥ it.
𝙳𝚘 𝚗𝚘𝚝 𝚕𝚘𝚘𝚔 𝚑𝚒𝚖 𝚍𝚒𝚛𝚎𝚌𝚝𝚕𝚢 𝚒𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚎𝚢𝚎, because that is gay.
𝙳𝚘𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚊𝚗𝚢 𝚘𝚏 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚊𝚋𝚘𝚟𝚎 𝚖𝚊𝚢 𝚜𝚎𝚝 𝚑𝚒𝚖 𝚘𝚏𝚏 𝚘𝚗 𝚊𝚗 ♥♥♥♥ 𝚛𝚊𝚖𝚙𝚊𝚐𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚌𝚘𝚞𝚕𝚍 𝚎𝚗𝚍𝚊𝚗𝚐𝚎𝚛 𝚝𝚑𝚎 anuses 𝚘𝚏 𝚖𝚊𝚗𝚢.
(='.'=)
(")_(") you make me lulz