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报告翻译问题

Hope 10 Apr @ 9:55am
+rep kinda cool :slugcatsleep:
hey man nice ♥♥♥♥, DM'd ;)
hey man nice butterfly knife, DM'd ;)
I invited him to my house for a csgo lan party. He said he was coming so i was looking forward to meeting him in real life.
When he arrived at my house, he pushed me against the wall and started nibbling my ear, i felt his hard ♥♥♥♥ push against my leg. I punched him and then i ran. Turns out he was gay. Don't trust this guy. 📷
I'm in a discord server and me and this dude had a battle over the most powerful ♥♥♥ username. I named myself the ♥♥♥ Lord, and this mere mortal decided to challenge me by calling himself "♥♥♥ God." Then I decided to name myself the ♥♥♥ Deity. This man decides to call himself the Dimensional ♥♥♥ Horror, so I splurge back with THE INTERDIMENSIONAL ♥♥♥ DEMON. To which he replies "I didn't wanna have to do this but" as he changes his name to Cumthulhu. I was at an utter loss for words. There was no way I could top that. I retreated into the form of a Sad ♥♥♥ Puddle.
So, I need your help. I need something so powerful and so outrageous, I will be able to ♥♥♥ back into this race. What is more powerful than Cumthulhu?
+rep