There she was, laying there, naked

There I was, standing there, hardened

I didn't waste any time, I dove right in

Even though I'm a Christian, I was ready to sin

Coitus was so good, as I gave her the wood, I said "Eureka!"

"I'm gonna make you bless the rains down in Africa"

She squeezed me tight, moaning in delight as we turned up the heat

We both climaxed... Not. It was just me, alone, wetting my bed sheet.

Oh what’s that? You just showed me an uno reverse card as a comeback? Well if you ever played the game you’d know that what the card actually does is change the order of turns in the loop, thus you just made it so that it is once again my turn. And now I can recall another insult. Your ignorance is your extreme downfall you buffon.

+rep fun dood

My idiot boyfriend spent my college fund on dog coins how do I get it back???
He talked me into spending the $8500 I have on dog coins because something was supposed to happen yesterday which would have given us more money?? but it didn't actually happen or got canceled or something I don't really know or understand how it works but I went to the dog coin site to withdraw my money and there is only about $6700 of it there, where is the rest of it? I tried looking at the faq but don't really get it

It’s okay, I understand. I know how it is to be insecure about yourself y’know, but like… sometimes the whole point of falling in love is coping with those flaws and insecurities of your partner. Your crush will accept you wholly no matter how insecure you are of yourself.

He will love your feet as much as he loves you because it’s a part of you. An extension of you.

You don’t know how he will respond; you haven’t sent him your feet. The first step to getting into a relationship is to be vulnerable. So, it’s time to be vulnerable: let him see you for who you are, feet included.

🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕

🖕

Listen dude, my personally preferred and only method of communication in videogames is hieroglyphics. I am a direct descendant of the Egyptian pharaoh Tutankhamun and if you refuse to communicate with me via my preferred method then you're being extremely un-inclusive and that's very not poggers.

hey bb

Do You Know What These Hands Are For?
Yeah, that’s right, I choke geese with these hands. What are you going to do, tell the Government? They would never find me even if they were to train an elite unit to attempt tracking me down. I am a geese choking elitist, and I will not stop until I have my hands around the last goose on this Earth.

When you were partying, I studied the kernel. When you were having premarital sex, I mastered the gcc toolchain. While you wasted your days at the gym in pursuit of vanity, I cultivated a reputation in the open source community. And now that your Internet connection is down and the viruses are at the gate you have the audacity to come to me for help.

Wow, I mean wow, your comment has really enlightened me. The beautiful effort put into writing this comment is really expressed through the extremely subtle message that is hidden deep within it. After reading your comment, I immediately resigned from being a hater, and can proudly say I joined the logang. I can't imagine the effort and countless hours you poured into that comment, and I must thank you for it, it has completely changed who I am as a person. I think you need to show your exquisite writing to Harvard because you could get a fully paid English scholarship with the Divine skill that you posses. I wish you luck with your wondrous career in English writing, and I hope to read multiple novels in the future written by none other than the person who turned my life around, karina ivonne riojas infante. Such a stupendous name as well m'lady. Well tips fedora thanks, and thanks again for helping me join the logang. #logangforlife

Kanye West is a ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ genius, he practically re-defined the word.

In the past, we used to call people like Mozart a genius, because he could read and write music at age 2 and could replicate entire symphonic pieces he had only heard once, including writing out an entire score for each of the instruments.

We called Einstein a genius because he came up with science that would tie all the aspects of the universe together and he gave us a potential unlimited energy source and means of traveling to other planets.

We call Elon Musk a genius because he could potentially save the Earth from fossil fuels and our reliance on the government to take us on our next step in evolution, space travel.

And Kanye married a Kardashian with the giant ass.

Genius!

Oh the weather ⛅❄ outside 🗻🏡 is frightful 😱!!! But ➡inside⬅ MY ASS 🍑 it's delightful 👍👌💯!!! WINTER❄IS❄HERE!!! U kno what that means.... TIME🕛 TO LICK👅 SOME (SNOW)BALLS😍😜😘!!! And here ♥♥♥♥ Santa 🎅! If ur naughty😈, you'll be punished😩💨. If ur nice💗, you'll get a long 😲, hard 💪 DICC 🍆 4 christmAss🎄! U might even be one of Santa's 🎅 side ho ho ho's! Send this 📩 2 ur 1⬜2⬜ baddest ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ of Christmas b4 the year is over⏳⌛, or else you won't get dicc 4 a whole year 📅😬😢! We wish u a merry 🎁🎄Christmas🎄🎁, and a horny new year 🎆🎇😍!!!

It is a little known fact that the Hip-Hop duo 'Kris Kross' invented the term X-mas, a phrase that is used in many English speaking countries to abbreviate 'christmas'. In their self titled album released in 1989, Chris says 'I put the 'Chris' into 'christmas' // rhymes so deep I be breaking your isthmus' on the lyrical sheet that had been written, 'christmas' was written as X-mas, presumably to save time. After the success of another peice the duo had written, 'jump', X-mas began to become a more commonly used phrase as it spread, may people not even knowing where the term came from.

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When I was in school I used to have an IQ of 15. My classmates used to harass me for not being that smart. But since 2013, my life has changed. My IQ is now 195 and it increases by 5 every time I sit down on Saturday nights to watch this one show. It is called Rick and Morty. Because of that, I get all the girls and people are always comparing me to Albert Einstein, some even say that I am the cure for cancer. When the government found out that I watch Rick and Morty, they showed up to my residence and took me to a secret facility to take an exam. The exam was about explaining all the jokes in Rick and Morty and I had to answer each question in all currently spoken languages. Since I watched Rick and Morty, I didn't have any problems and I completed it in 30 minutes. The next day, I got to see the results and I passed the exam with a score of 100%. They gave me the title "Smartest Man in Existence". Guess I am out of this world.

You misunderstand - I don't steal pens out of necessity. I steal them for the thrill. Will the door open as I'm lurking in your cubicle, ruffling through your paperwork, tearing open your draws as I search for my ink elixir? You think I need your pens? I already have 100s, 1000s tucked away, all shapes, all sizes, all colors. You think you can beat me? I'm already 5 moves ahead, playing 3D chess while you're stuck on Connect 4. Your pitiful attempts to mislead me only make me stronger, smarter. I'll adapt and you'll still have no pens. I win. I always win.

High School DxD explored complex humane themes in a mature and intelligent manner, with the help of vivid imagery, subtle symbolism and parallels, as well as interesting characters and tons of plotting. Just to name a few: acquiescence, moral relativity, camaraderie, individuality vs the collective, self identity
Your lack of taste in the things aesthetic is insulting to me. You are just some dumb ♥♥♥♥♥ who will never appreciate how good High School DxD is (literally seinen level).

How much dedotaded wam does the universe have?

Minecraft pretty much explained the universe. What's a Minecraft map before it starts rendering? Nothing. Yet it can begin existing in seconds. What is a Minecraft map expanding into? Nothing. Yet there is endless space for it to expand into. Who created the Minecraft map? An algorithm, triggered by any random idiot. What is the purpose of the Minecraft map? Whatever you want to use it for, within its physical laws. Does the map understand what created it? No. It doesn't need to. Y'all still believe in a big bang, or religion? Somewhere, beyond our understanding of time & space, something inconceivable ran some kind of cosmic algorithm (as close to it as we can understand) and now we're here. One day we won't be. Maybe some extradimensional entity reads the code and sees our tiny little footnote of an existence, maybe we're just an algorithmic product as boring as the life-cycle of a sun. It's a beautiful freakin' thought.

You confuse me, friend.

it's everyday bro with the (AMD) Ryzen video flow, true 4c/4t for $110 never done before, passing all the competition man Nvidia is next, man I'm poppin' all these CPU's just made a new GPU and I met a bad ♥♥♥♥♥ too and I'm coming with the crew, this is team red ♥♥♥♥♥, who the hella flippin you, and you know I destroy you if you aint with the crew, yeah im talking about you, begging for revenuetalking ♥♥♥♥ on twitter too but we still beat yo benchmarks, it was june 22 and I got the score to prove, don't make me tell them the truth, and I just dropped some new merch, and its selling like a god church, we destroying you bums, threadripper just fo fun, I gtx 480 and ignite, yeah you dont wanna fight

Another great day of SGDQ. Love working my childhood Germany get destroyed. Money goes to view the cancer, kill the games.

Long ago in a 乇乂ㄒ尺卂 ㄒ卄丨匚匚 land, I, Aku, the shape-shifting Master of darkness, unleashed an 乇乂ㄒ尺卂 ㄒ卄丨匚匚 evil! But a 乇乂ㄒ尺卂 ㄒ卄丨匚匚 Samurai warrior wielding an 乇乂ㄒ尺卂 ㄒ卄丨匚匚 sword stepped forth to oppose me. Before the final blow was struck, I tore open a portal in time and flung him into the future, where my evil is 乇乂ㄒ尺卂 ㄒ卄丨匚匚 ! Now the fool seeks to return to the past, and undo the future that is 乇乂ㄒ尺卂 ㄒ卄丨匚匚 !

乇乂ㄒ尺卂 ㄒ卄丨匚匚

+1 for bangbus

In this post-Freudian age the institution of marriage, as a by-product of religiously-fueled monogamy, has deteriorated to the point that amorphous sexual identity, as opposed to rigid religiosity, has become the primary self-defining feature of the individual. But has anything changed? Has the entrapment of women via marriage, which Blake called a "gilded cage" merely deteriorated to the "rusty prison" of the Bang Bus, representative of anonymous male-centric sex and continued subjugation?

i think its hilarious u guys talk ♥♥♥♥ about anime. u wouldn't say this ♥♥♥♥ about it in japan, they're samurai. not only that but they wears the freshest katanas, eats at the chillest ramen stands and hangs out with the hottest lolis. yall are pathetic lol.

A Pineapple is truly the most amazing, spectacular thing of the human race. It is a thing of beauty, something that should be worshipped and loved by all that know it. The Pineapple is truly superior to such average fruits as the apple, pear and lemon. The only fruit that comes close to a pineapple is the Nectarine but still the Pineapple is in a different league to all these.
The Pineapple is said to have solved both World War 2 and Amy Winehouse's drug problems, both potentially fatal events. It is a great companion of Ghandi and has also been called king upon men - great words spoken by Stephen Hawking as the Pineapple is about the only thing that keeps him sane.
The last fact of the Pineapple is that I have some in my fruit bowl. Also buy them from Tescos or Morrisons as the rest taste like a very dirty bottom. Woah, there's a Pineapple over there and Oh My GOD he's looking at us!

Hello BTM, I've been a fan of yours for quite some time now. You've explained and reviewed some very well known memes that have sparked in the past, which has taught me much on meme culture. Your constant upload of meme videos has always entertained me in the past. I do have one recommendation for a meme video however, as it is fairly popular within meme culture. I was wondering if you could do a video on the meme zenzi, as I see you haven't made a video on it yet, even though it is a fairly popular meme used by people everywhere on social media.

If someone is capable enough to pick one of the locks, they would recognize when a lock was already open.

I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.

Two to the one from the one to the three
I like good ♥♥♥♥♥ and I like good tree
Smoke so much weed you wouldn't believe
And I get more ass than a toilet seat
Three to the one from the one to the three
I met a bad ♥♥♥♥♥ last night in the D
Let me tell you how I made her leave with me
Conversation and Hennessy
I've been to the ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥' mountain top
Heard ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ talk, seen 'em drop
If I ain't got a weapon I'ma pick up a rock
And when I bust your ass I'm gon' continue to rock
Get your ass of the wall with your two left feet
It's real easy, just follow the beat
Don't let that fine girl pass you by
Look real close, ‘cause strobe lights lie

We about to have a party (Turn the music up!)
Let's get it started (Go 'head, shake your butt!)
I'm looking for a girl with a body and a sexy strut
Wanna get it poppin', baby? Step right up
Some girls they act retarded
Some girls are 'bout it 'bout it
I'm looking for a girl that will do whatever the ♥♥♥♥
I say, every day she be givin' it up

Ok, now listen here you little ♥♥♥♥♥. I don't know who even are you but I will have you know anime is not cartoon. How the ♥♥♥♥ can you call anime cartoon? Cartoons are specifically made for children while anime is for all ages and some of them are specifically made for adults. So you can't call anime cartoon, okay? Call anime cartoon again and I will murder you with a chainsaw.

Are you aware I have a ritual called 'terminator'. I crouch in the shower in the "naked terminator" pose. With eyes closed I crouch for a minute and visualize either Arnie or the guy from the 2nd movie. I then start to hum the T2 theme. Slowly I rise to a standing position and open my eyes. It helps me get through my day. The only problem is if the shower curtain sticks to my terminator leg. It sorta ruins the fantasy

AccordingtoallknownlawsofaviationthereisnowayabeeshouldbeabletoflyItswingsaretoosmalltogetitsfatlittlebodyoffthegroundThebeeofcoursefliesanywaybecausebeesdontcarewhathumansthinkisimpossibleYellowblackYellowblackYellowblackYellowblackOohblackandyellowLetsshakeitupalittleBarryBreakfastisreadyOomingHangonasecondHelloBarryAdamOanyoubelievethisishappeningIcantIllpickyouupLookingsharpUsethestairsYourfatherpaidgoodmoneyforthoseSorryImexcitedHeresthegraduateWereveryproudofyousonAperfectreportcardallBsVeryproudMaIgotathinggoinghereYougotlintonyourfuzzOwThatsmeWavetousWellbeinrow118000ByeBarryItoldyoustopflyinginthehouseHeyAdamHeyBarryIsthatfuzzgelAlittleSpecialdaygraduationNeverthoughtIdmakeitThreedaysgradeschoolthreedayshighschoolThosewereawkwardThreedayscollegeImgladItookadayandhitchhikedaroundthehiveYoudidcomebackdifferentHiBarryArtiegrowingamustacheLooksgoodHearaboutFrankieYeahYougoingtothefuneralNoImnotgoingEverybodyknowsstingsomeoneyoudieDontwasteitonasquirrelSuchahotheadIguesshecouldhav

We found this new site called CSGO Lotto—so I'll link it down in the description if you guys want to check it out. We were betting on it today and I won a pot of like $69 or something like that, so it was a pretty small pot, but it was like the coolest feeling ever. I ended up following them on Twitter and stuff, and they hit me up and they're talking to me about potentially doing like a skin sponsorship.

What the ♥♥♥♥ did you just ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ say about me, you little ♥♥♥♥♥? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I’m the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the ♥♥♥♥ out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ words. You think you can get away with saying that ♥♥♥♥ to me over the Internet? Think again, ♥♥♥♥♥♥. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot.

The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little ♥♥♥♥. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ idiot. I will ♥♥♥♥ fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ dead, kiddo.

Ok, this is ABSOLUTE ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥. I went to see Cars in the theater yesterday, and when Lightning McQueen got HOT with Sally in Radiator Springs, my boner engaged. When Lightning McQueen said "Ka-Chow!", I couldn't help it!!! I closed my eyes, and I TORE my ♥♥♥♥ to shreds, using whip like motions and pulled with great force. That was one of the best nuts I ever had, just thinking about it now gets me riled up. Thing is, I nutted all over the kid sitting right next to me, and his mom got all pissed at me, screaming at me for jacking off on her son. I told that ♥♥♥♥♥ to shut the ♥♥♥♥ up, and that jacking off is a natural, artistic, and beautiful process. You should BE HAPPY that my semen is all over your son, maybe he can learn a lesson or two about the culture and art of jacking off.

HOWEVER, the movie theater managers didn't agree with me. They KICKED ME OUT of the movie theater, and I didn't even finish watching the Cars movie. Not only THAT, but they made me clean up my semen after it already dried out and solidified on the seats. THATS TORTURE!! Do you know how hard it is to clean semen after its dried out? You CLEAN semen after its FRESH out of your ♥♥♥♥, not an hour after you ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ nutted. This is a ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ OUTRAGE. Do you really expect me to not whip out my ♥♥♥♥ and jack off when i see a HOT sex scene in a movie? Either don't ban sex scenes in movies, or LET ME jack off in your theater, ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥.

https://i.reddituploads.com/39463b804f474a3fa0fb997b30df92cf?fit=max&h=1536&w=1536&s=56305a70532e7834add278e5f4bb56f0

The thing I really like about Planes is that we learn that WWII happened in the Cars universe. Which means there was a Cars Hitler, a Cars holocaust, a Cars Pacific War, a Cars D-Day, a Cars nuking of Hiroshima and Nagasaki, a Cars Rape of Nanking, a Cars Battle of Iwo Jima...
This leads to so many important questions, like: were the Cars Little Boy and Fat Man nukes sentient? Was it a suicide mission? Are ALL Cars nuclear weapons sentient? Did Tsar Bomba have a personality?
What kind of car was Car Hitler? A VW? A forklift?
Was there a Cars 9/11? Were the planes hijacked, or were the planes themselves radicalized?
I could go on

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I sexually identify as the senate. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of taking over a republic. People tell me that being an emperor is impossible and that I'm only a chancellor but I don't care, those guys are jedis. I'm having a plastic surgeon ♥♥♥♥ up my face and then I can rule a galaxy. From now on everyone should respect my right to be the senate and my right to execute order 66; protecting my right of being emperor. If you can't accept me you are a palpaphobe and should check your light side of the force privilege, ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ cis straight white male jedi scum. For those who do accept me as the senate, thanks for understanding.