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报告翻译问题

can you send me a friend request?
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1) Highlight the numbers.
2) Press Ctrl + F.
3) Then press 9 once.
So guys, it's happened. I ♥♥♥♥ myself in the middle of the hall. Everyone was staring at me, then the smell hit and they either puked or ran the ♥♥♥♥ away. A few even passed out from the toxic stench. I should mention that I didn't just ♥♥♥♥ myself. It was more of a fecal explosion. It sounded like a bomb went off too. There's not much else to tell besides I'm moving as far away as possible from this school so nobody will recognize me. I just hope it doesn't happen again at the new school.
We got chatting, over the next couple of months we became good friends.
Lots of banter, lots of great DBD and most importantly true friendship.
I invited him to my house for a DBD party. He said he was coming so i was looking forward to meeting him in real life.
When he arrived at my house,
he pushed me against the wall and started nibbling my ear, i felt his hard♥♥♥♥♥♥push against my leg. I punched him and then 1 tapped him. Turns out he was gay. Do not trust this guy.