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报告翻译问题

you're adopted
HAPPY NEW YEAR
───▄▄██▌█ BEEP BEEP
▄▄▄▌▐██▌█ Pony ♥♥♥ Porn delivery
███████▌█▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▌
▀(@)▀▀▀▀▀▀▀(@)(@)▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀(@)▀
───▄▄██▌█ BEEP BEEP
▄▄▄▌▐██▌█ Gay Porn delivery
███████▌█▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▌
▀(@)▀▀▀▀▀▀▀(@)(@)▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀(@)▀
but i dont understand the creature which called "girl"...;~:
After all this time and you still haven't gave up on life with you and your crew. PATHETIC, simply PATHETIC! When will you ever learn.
I'll have you know, I have Pepsi and MountainDew by my side this time. Better give up soon and just turn yourself in.
But since its new years, il be gentle. You have 5 days to delete yourself from the world, because I don't want to drink, or even see for that matter, your stupid ♥♥♥♥. Truly the worst drink, only the worst scum of the earth and ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ drink it. And don't let me EVER see you again on my VIDEO GAMES!
Your days are ♥♥♥♥♥♥ numbered chap. I'll be waiting
★ ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬★ ▬▬▬★ ▬▬▬▬▬▬ ★
★★ℳerry ℭhristmas ★ дnd A ★ ℋappy 2015 ★★
★ ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬★ ▬▬▬★ ▬▬▬▬▬▬ ★
ஜ۩۞۩ஜ۩۞۩ஜ۩۞۩۞۩ஜ۩۞۩ஜ۩۞۩ஜ۩ஜ۩۞ஜ
★˛˚˛*˛°.˛*.˛°˛.*★˚˛*˛°.˛*.˛°˛.*★*★* 。*˛.
˛°_██_*.。*./ ♥ \ .˛* .˛。.˛.*.★* *★ 。*
˛. (´• ̮•)*.。*/♫.♫\*˛.* ˛_Π_____.♥ ♥ ˛* ˛*
.°( . • . ) ˛°./• '♫ ' •\.˛*./______/~\*. ˛*.。˛* ˛.*。
*(...'•'.. ) *˛╬╬╬╬╬˛°.|田田 |門|╬╬╬╬╬*˚ .˛
Eu sou tu
E tu?
*reads mind.java*