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报告翻译问题

Me: Yeah, I’m fine.
My headphones:
Penis Music (1 Hour loop)
0:35 ━❍──────── -59:25
↻ ⊲ Ⅱ ⊳ ↺
VOLUME: ▁▂▃▄▅▆▇ 100%
......................./:.:.:.:.:.|
......................|;.;.;.;.;./
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............._,,,,,_.).;.;.;.;.|
.........,,-":.:.:.:."~-,;.;.;.|
........(_,,,,---,,_:.:.);.;.;..",,
......,-":.:.:.:.:.""-,,/;.;.;.;.;.",
.....(:.__,,,,,,,,,___);.;.;.;.;.;|
...../"":.:.:.:.:.:.:¯""\;.;.;.;.;.,"
....\",__,,,,,,,,,,,__/;;;;;;;;;/\
.....\.::.:.:.:.:.:.:.;.);;;;;;;;;/:\
.......\,,,,,---~~~~;;;;;;;;,"::::\
.........."""~~--,,,,,,,,,,-"::::::::::\
░░░░Respect ThisGuy░░░
░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░
░░░Because he is ░░░░
░█▀▀ ░█▀█ ░█ ░█▀▀ ░░
░█▀▀ ░█▀▀ ░█ ░█ ░░░░
░▀▀▀ ░▀ ░░░▀ ░▀▀▀ ░░
░░░ +rep ░░░░
░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░:
Where are they from?
Not a single country in the world is named Britain. Some people say they come from England, and England is inside Britain, but if that was the case they would be British they would be Englanders. Also, heard some silly theories about them coming from whales. Guys, no, whale people do not exist. Whales live in the sea. Do there is a consensus on british people coming from Europe, but then we are left with a whole continent of possible locations. That's as good as nothing.
What do they eat?
Every country has at least one main dish. Even the US has their burgers. But these british people, what do they eat? Heard some people associating them with tea, but everyone knows that's an Asian thing. Shouldn't they come from Europe? One of these two points must be wrong them. To me, it looks too sketchy.