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报告翻译问题

When I was little my mom used to put a buttplug in me (which she called a poop plug) and I'd wear it all the time. I was told only to take it out to poop, wipe my ***, then put it back in.
I was really young so I thought this was just something everybody did but one time at school I dropped it when I flushed the toilet and it ended up getting flushed. So when I went back to class I told my teacher that my poop plug got flushed down the toilet. She had no idea what I was talking about so she sent me to the school nurse.
Well after trying to explain what a poop plug was for 15 minutes the school calls the police. The police ask me all these questions and at first I'm scared because I think I'm in trouble for losing my poop plug. Turns out my mom has schizophrenia and was making me wear this ********* so Satan couldn't stick his ♥♥♥♥ in my pooper and make me gay.
Who else are USA Bros? Exactly. iBuyPower. What happened to iBP? They got permanently banned. How do you get banned? Either matchfixing or cheating.
He is playing for CLG. Matchfixing starts with an M, Cheating with a C. Do you see an M in CLG? Not. At. All.
So he must be cheating. Case closed.
██]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]] 10% complete.....
████]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]] 35% complete....
███████]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]] 60% complete....
███████████] 99% complete.....
🚫ERROR!🚫
💯True💯 Daddies are irreplaceable
💖I could never delete you Daddy!💖
Send this to ten other 👪Daddies👪 who give you 💦cummies💦
Or never get called ☁️squishy☁️ again❌❌😬😬❌❌
If you get 0 Back: no cummies for you 🚫🚫👿
3 back: you're squishy☁️💦
5 back: you're daddy's kitten😽👼💦
10+ back: Daddy😛😛💕💕💦👅👅
I miss you!
The Legs <3.
We have noticed you haven't logged in for 2 weeks, we're just checking to see that everything is okay with our biggest fan. Since you visited us last time we've updated the Gay section with many videos we know you will enjoy. See you soon!
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It's COOL to be gay!
Post this on the wall of a homosexual friend and tell them how COOL they are
it makes it not work so good