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报告翻译问题

Netherlands

My name is Hook and I would like to tell a story.
Yesterday I went to my mum's house. My mum's name is Pijpslettebakje-met-Hazenlip. Next to the door, there zaten two zwervers. One was called Gadoodengeefmijbrood and the other one Centenschraper. We looked at each other and I said: 'You want sum, bafaap?'. He said: 'What you come to do here?'. 'I come to look for my mother', I said. Then Centenschraper replied: 'I ♥♥♥♥♥♥ your mum andGadoodengeefmijbrood ate her.''Why?", I said. He replied to me that was because I was noob! Well okay, the moral of this story is: If you don't change something and still be noob, then your mum will be eaten by zwervers.
Greetings and have a good day,
Your friend Hook
▬▬▬.◙.▬▬▬
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╬═╬
╬═╬ just dropped down to say
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╬═╬ You’re hella gay🚫🧢
╬═╬☻/
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/> フ
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/` ミ_xノ
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/ ヽ ノ
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| ( ̄ヽ__ヽ_)__)
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