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报告翻译问题

Console or PC, FPS to JRPG, 8-Bit or Next Gen we must stop this bickering! It doesn't matter if you shoot that Terrorist from your Couch or desk, the point is he's dead! It doesn't matter if you solved the final puzzle battle with a mouse or Analogue sticks, as long as the last two colors are matched! We are not console or PC, we are not Xbox or PS3, We are not Battlefield or Call of Duty, we are not Sci-Fi vs. Fantasy vs. Realism.
We are Gamers, we are a brotherhood. we are allies.
This leads to so many important questions, like: were the Cars Little Boy and Fat Man nukes sentient? Was it a suicide mission? Are ALL Cars nuclear weapons sentient? Did Tsar Bomba have a personality?
What kind of car was Car Hitler? A VW? A forklift?
Was there a Cars 9/11? Were the planes hijacked, or were the planes themselves radicalized?
I could go on
Can I wallbang your double doors?
You are so sweet I could just cbble you up.
Hey girl, want to inspect my Case Hardened?
Can I rush your lower tunnel?
Are you a Nova? Because you are pure gold.
Girl, you are my rare special item <3
When I turn on my aimbot, I aim straight for your heart <3
If we open a case together what are my chances of getting lucky?
Girl, is that a molotov under your feet? Cuz you are hot!
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....................\........`-..._....'..-..-.-^.‘_.).).)
.......................`.-..._...).).) ................................... /l、
..........................................................................(゚、 。 7
............................................................................l、 ~ヽ
............................................................................じしf_, )ノ Meow!
▉▉▉▉▉◤┳┻┳◥▉▉▉▉▉
▉▉▉▉◤┳┻┳┻┳◥▉▉▉▉ Copy and paste this on the walls of the 5
▉▉▉◤┳━┳━┳━┳◥▉▉▉
▉▉◤┳┃┈╰━╯┈┃┳◥▉▉most MLG m80s you know or you
▉◤┳┻╰━━━━━╯┻┳◥▉
◤┳┻┳┻┳┻┳┻┳┻┳┻┳◥ will be qu1cksc0p3d by #FaZe Clan
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…….…………………….¸„-^"¯ :\_ / o '"*'"¯/' BARK BARK
……………………¸„„-^"¯ : : : : : : : : ¸„,-~"
**¯¯¯'^^~-„„„----~^*'"¯ : : : : : : : : : :¸-"
.:.:.:.:.„-^" : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : :- THIS IS THE BARKING DOG WIENER
:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.: : : : : : : : : : ¸„-^¯
.::.:.:.:.:.:.:.:. : : : : : : : ¸„„-^¯ PUT THIS ON THE PROFILE OF 5 OTHER PEOPLE
:.' : : '\ : : : : : : : ;¸„„-~"¯ OR HE WILL BITE YOU
:.:.:: :"-„""***/*'ì¸'¯
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