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报告翻译问题

I invited him to my house for a csgo lan party. He said he was coming so i was looking forward to meeting him in real life.
When he arrived at my house, he pushed me against the wall and started nibbling my ear, i felt his hard ♥♥♥♥ push against my leg. I punched him and then i ran. Turns out he was gay. Don't trust this guy.
Curse you Perry the Platypus.
Curse you Perry the Platypus.
Curse you Perry the Platypus.
Curse you Perry the Platypus.
Curse you Perry the Platypus.
Curse you Perry the Platypus.
Curse you Perry the Platypus.
Curse you Perry the Platypus.
Curse you Perry the Platypus.
Curse you Perry the Platypus.
Curse you Perry the Platypus.
Curse you Perry the Platypus.
Curse you Perry the Platypus.
Curse you Perry the Platypus.
Curse you Perry the Platypus.
Curse you Perry the Platypus.
Curse you Perry the Platypus.
Curse you Perry the Platypus.
Curse you Perry the Platypus.
Curse you Perry the Platypus.
Curse you Perry the Platypus.
Curse you Perry the Platypus.
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you: bae what are u doing?🤢
me: omg uhmm i was- there was a bit of poop in my toenail crack and i wanted to get rid of it😔
you: lemme see🤔😏
me: it’s almost gone but i can’t get this last bit out...u wanna,,help?🥺👉🏻👈🏻😏
you: damn babe u could have just said that you’re horny😩
me: no fr i can’t get rid of the poop😩😔
you: alright i’ll help🙄 /pulls out huge tongue and starts licking aggressively
me: thank u but this isn’t even the right toe🙄
you: DO U WANT YOUR TOES LICKED OR NOT?😡
me: well i do but get rid of the poop first, it’s icky 🙄
you: AHHH YOU’RE SOO COMPLICATED AND ANNOYING 👹😡
me: JUST GET RID OF THE POOP
you: /eats all my toes see? no poop left
me:😨
you: good night😴
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▄░▐░░░▄▄░█░▀▀ U HAVE BEEN CYKA'D BY THE
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░░░░░░▐▌▀▄▀▄▀▐▄♥♥♥♥♥ BLYAT
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░░░░░█░░░░░░░░░░▐ пошол ♥♥♥♥♥ ♥♥♥♥ ♥♥♥♥♥