hi weirdo :)

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IM DELETING YOU, DADDY!😭👋 ██]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]] 10% complete..... ████]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]] 35% complete.... ███████]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]] 60% complete.... ███████████] 99% complete..... 🚫ERROR!🚫 💯True💯 Daddies are irreplaceable 💖 I could never delete you Daddy!💖 Send this to ten other 👪Daddies👪 who give you 💦cummies💦 Or never get called ☁️squishy☁️ again❌❌👌👌❌❌ If you get 0 Back: no cummies for you 🚫🚫👿 3 back: you're squishy☁️💦 5 back: you're daddy's kitten😽👼💦 10+ back: Daddy👌👌💕💕💦👅👅

♥ This is the windmill of friendship ♥ Repost if you also love your friends ♥

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1. Highlight the above
2. Press CTRL+F
3. Press 9

i was gonna change this to make it say either nice meme or kill youreslf but i dont care enough

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cuY6AwVOpLA

?¸.•*""*•. ¸? ?¸.•*""*•. ¸? ?¸.•*""*•. ¸?
Post this on the walls of the 12 prettiest Girls you know...
If you get back 5 you're beautiful. ..
?¸.•*""*•. ¸? ?¸.•*""*•. ¸? ?¸.•*""*•. ¸?

kent taur

@pretzler999's centaur ♥♥♥♥

╔══════════════ ೋღ☃ღೋ ══════════════╗
If you are a beautiful strong black woman, someone will put this in your comments.
╚══════════════ ೋღ☃ღೋ ══════════════╝

smart

wow

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>walk into gym being an ogre and stuff
>see 9/10 girl running on treadmill with ipod on
>walk up to her, motion for her to take earphones out
>tell her shes alright looking but not really my type
>walk away and leave gym
>hang out on my donkey in the swamp, flying my rc helicopter all over the place
>girl walks out
>do 40 km/h fly-bys a few centimeters above her head and chase her
>she's running and screaming to her horse and clops away with it
>shrek my privelege and head home to Fiona

>forever alone guy, spending another saturday night by myself.
>Hear something at my window. There is no one there.
> Turn around and see Shrek
> "Shrek, is it really you?"
>"Yes, it is."
>"You have no idea how long I have been waiting for this"
> We start kissing.
> He puts his big strong beautiful hands around my waist
> "Shrek, but.....can we take it slow? I'm......a virgin."
>Shrek nods. "Don't worry. I will take care of you"
> he takes me in his arms and takes me to his swamp
> we have shreks the entire night. I swallow his shrek juice just so I can feel like I am a part of shrek.
>we end the night by cuddling and sharing an eyeball soup.
>Bestnightofmylife.jpg
> I wake up back in my bed.....It must have been a dream?
> look under my bed, there was an onion with a heart drawn on it.

He is real. :)

atching first shrek at 11 PM
>hear scratching in kitchen
>go to investigate, find a beautiful hunk of ogre standing in front of the fridge
>eshrekulate
>he turns around, cradling three or four onions in his hands
>he pulls out his member, and rubs the onions with his swamp juice
>the ogre finishes and comes into the light
>shrek
>i scream with happies
>he covers my mouth
>he whispers "your my fiona now"
>crams onions into my mouth
>kisses me on the lips
>"ach your better than donkeh ever was"
>disappears into night
i still cry myself to sleep ever night, hopin he come bak

>at school
>ask lunch lady for a whole onion
>she gives me a dirty look and says "Onions are gross"
> so i leaned over and whispered "you better shrek yourself before you reck yourself
> As i start to turn green she backs up in fear
> my huge ogre ♥♥♥♥ is budging out of my pants
> i say "your live is about to be ogre"
> i proceed to shrek here until she dies

hi sweater and craig

hi

So it started as kind of a personal dare to get as close to messing myself in public in my diaper as possible. I had never done it ever before in public. I had always run to the bathroom at the last second and pulled my diaper down or a couple of times had walked to my car and wound up pooping on the drive home. I every once-in-a-while will poop in my underwear or diaper at home but generally shun the cleanup.

I used to diaper up and relax at a nearby bookstore (pretty large store with 2 floors)

Always good reading and for some reason good looking women patrons as well as sales staff. I would wet in my diaper and living in a hot climate was always in shorts, crinkly diaper and a t-shirt that when I leaned over clearly showed the top of the diaper. Sometimes someone would notice it and most times not. It was the kind of place that never had enough places to sit and read so you wind up sitting on the floor...that curl of the back is an inevitable perpetual diaper flash. The place had male and female restrooms which on occasion if I had really wet a lot I might use to change so as to not be gross and leak (shorts do not allow alot of leakage before it is going where you don't want it). You could hang and read in this place for hours.

I was on the floor reading a pile of magazines and had fended off several of the getting close to pooping pressures we all know. A pretty sales person had come by while I was sitting down and needed to get a book right where I was sitting. There was no way I got up in the aisle without showing my waistband big time. She got her book and then went on her way and I continued reading for a while longer. This lady walked along the back wall behind where I sat twice more while I sat there…I was sure confirming my fine selection of underwear. Probably in my head but at the time I was convinced of it. Well I thought she was cute and I was kind of wondering about hitting on her some other time.

I had been fending the urge hard sitting down all scrunched up. Well I was done reading and the urge was at that “find a bathroom now or else” so I stood up totally thinking at that point of lets go use the restroom and come back to hit on the sales lady. Well the pressure was now at the little bit of poop poking out but not in trouble yet point.

The standing up and unwinding now got me very anxious and focused on finding that bathroom now which I proceeded to do. I got to the men’s bathroom and there was a sign indicating it was out of order. Now it was becoming serious and I was totally wanting the bathroom. I was about to lose the battle and quick as the little bit of pop was now starting to grow. I tried to focus all the energy I could into holding it but was pretty much in panic mode as it was as close to the full mess as it could get. So in my panic, it seemed to be holding, not flooding out and I think perhaps I can use the lady’s room. I mean it was an emergency need! It was locked. I was now beside myself and had been kind of shuffling trying to keep it in. I

I turned around and the pretty sales girl was right there. I was oblivious to anything other than finding a bathroom. I looked at her pleadingly and just about whined asking whether there was another restroom. Her reply was no and she suggested that if I really needed one there was one in some other store across the shopping center. She kind of seemed surprised by the question by her expression. I was barely getting the words out asking this and was truly hoping the other bathroom would open and I would sneak in.

I was so desperate! I was starting to lose the battle. As she replied with the directions, what had been to this juncture the point of poo poking out was now poking out to the point of bumping into the diaper. The instant at which the poo is building the pressure behind the initial bit and needs to find the space to fully escape and fill the seat of your pants and diaper. Where it all starts moving in one big rush, stretching the muscles and at the same time expelling out and into your diaper or what have-you. I knew it was lost at this point. Totally lost.

I turned and made maybe 2 steps away, maybe not even and froze in mid-step as it all rushed out without any help on my end. I was kind of in mid-step with legs sort of bent though not crouching and I could not stop the next part. You know the sounds at this phase when the poo comes out and there is the crackling noise and the crinkle of the diaper as it extends filling all space up the crack, down and then out.

The thick sticky warmth just spreading and spreading more it seems all over at once. I was red faced and just about breathless. Nowhere like a bookstore or library for quiet where those sounds I just mentioned were at least to me probably audible 2 aisles away. I had been totally resolved when I had come in the store to go to the edge of pooping in public and had been seeking the bathroom desperately and on top of it thinking I should maybe hit on the sales lady. Well I had fully truly messed myself not only in public but in a quiet place not exactly in front of someone but damn near. And you know the messing of your diaper takes a few seconds and I could not move an inch.

No way to keep walking away as I wanted. It seemed like it was an eternity before I could move again and breathe. I am now thinking oh god what about the smell. There was no chance that this lady had not seen the whole filling of my pants from behind as I had turned to go. I was vaguely hoping I did not reek but that was not to be low profile either. It must have been a couple of seconds and because I had stopped, she had not turned away, probably thinking I needed something else. I am sure she was not thinking I was about to crap myself in front of her for sure! She had by the time I had regained some semblance of control and had started thinking quickly about the overwhelming scent of fresh poop, stepped next to me.

She asked if I was okay. I stammered uh, yeah sorta, yes. What an idiot I am flashed through the mind. Her reply said it all, well at least you were sort of prepared for an accident. Walking away she had a look of distance and bewilderment with perhaps a hint of disgust. It was bad and it smelled worse. I beat feet out of there not looking anywhere but out and towards my car. It took a bit before I got the courage to go back to that store. She worked there still and was always helpful but clearly had no interest in being hit on. So much for going to the edge and oops, falling off and filling my diaper right up.

>wake up
>coffie with friend
>coffie is ♥♥♥♥ so is friend

>woke up late
>no pot, go buy more
> come back bong still packed from night before
>????

>woke up
>poured a bowl of cereal
>no milk left

>woke up late
>friend said surf was good
>surf wasnt very good

whats your new account :(

orez i didnt know this was you!

http://i.imgur.com/0wNPa.jpg

http://i.imgur.com/elZyP.png

u when something hits u while ur tryin 2 farm http://i.imgur.com/JjRlA.gif

>Be like 12 or some ♥♥♥♥
>For some reason all us kids hide out in tree
>Feel hidden
>Not hidden at all
>Me and four buddys tell two girls to show tits.
>Tits commence
>MOAR
>Girls get buck ass naked
>I pull out my wiener because im not scared of anything
>Naked 12 yr old girls play with my wiener to their hearts content
>Bros watch like ♥♥♥♥
>Girls dad comes to base of tree
>Just stares in a daze of what i assume is rage or sexual ferocity
>Finally yells WTF
>Makes girls get down from tree
>Tells us to get down so he can "bust our asses"
>Tell him to go ♥♥♥♥ himself

And I live in that tree to this day.

>walk into Gamestop
>hot ass cashier
>"Hi welcome to Gamestop!'
>get so nervous i start to fart
>"Are you okay?"
>she touches my shoulder
>♥♥♥♥ pants
>ask if they have a bathroom
>"Here, I'll show you"
>leads me by hand into bathroom
>"uhhhm...thanks"
>she rips off my pants
>♥♥♥♥ everywhere
>bends me over
>starts to lick my ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ clean
>she starts moanig
>she starts smearing ♥♥♥♥ all over face
>she starts roaring in ecstacy
>roaring
>she is a bear
>realize bear is eating my ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
>bear keeps nibbling on all my asshairs, cleaning off dingle berries
>♥♥♥♥ into bears mouth
>roars of pleasure, bear begins to swish my brown ♥♥♥♥ in and out of it's teeth, i can see my ♥♥♥♥
>♥♥♥♥ more into bears mouth
>bear is now gurgling, struggling to swallow all of my ♥♥♥♥
>rears are running down its face because it smells so bad
>bear is roaring and gurgling on my putrid ♥♥♥♥
>voice ou

>be 10
>going to bed one night
>father comes in to tuck me in
>tells me how much he loves me
>starts rubbing my thighs and kissing my forehead
>tells me not to feel scared or worried
>i grab my dad by the neck and flip him over
>rape my dad

http://i.imgur.com/H7efC.gif ftfy

hi

I was at a cash machine when an old lady came up to me and asked to check her balance.
So I pushed her over.

My wife was gang raped by a troupe of mime artists.

They performed unspeakable acts on her.

My girlfriend left me for a midget the other day.

This broke my heart - I couldn't believe she would stoop so low.

First thing this morning, there was a tap on my door.
Funny sense of humour my plumber has.

My wife came home from work crying yesterday and asked me to console her.

So I hit her over the head with my Xbox.