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报告翻译问题

I invited him to my house for a csgo lan party. He said he was coming so i was looking forward to meeting him in real life.
When he arrived at my house, he pushed me against the wall and started nibbling my ear, i felt his hard ♥♥♥♥ push against my leg. I punched him and then 1 tapped him. Turns out he was gay. Don't trust this guy.
ᵃfᵗᵉʳ ᵗʰᵉʸᵛᵉ ʰᵃᵈ ᵃ SHET
'ᵗ ʷᵃˢⁿᵗ ᵐᵉ
well it wasFOOKINGone of yas
-All right. Let's get it!
-Whoa. Hold on. Do you know what that thing can do to you?
-Yeah, it'll grind your bones for it's bread.
{Laughs}
-Yes, well, actually, that would be a gaint.
Now, ogres - - They're much worse.
They'll make a suit from your freshly peeled skin.
-No!
-They'll shave your liver. Squeeze the jelly from your eyes!
Actually, it's quite good on toast.
-Back! Back, beast! Back! I warn ya!
{Gasping}
-Right.
{Roaring}
{Shouting}
{Roaring}
{Whispers} This is the part where you run away.
{Gasping}
{Laughs}
{Laughing} And stay out!
"Wanted. Fairy tale creatures."
{Sighs}
{Man's voice} All right. This one's full.
-Take it away!
{Gasps}
-Move it along. Come on! Get up!
-Next!
-Give me that! Your fiying days are over.
That's 20 pieces of silver for the witch. Next!
-Get up! Come on!
-Twenty pieces.
{Thudding}
-Sit down there!
-Keep quiet!
……………………………………….¸„„„„
…………………….…………...„--~ ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°).'\
………….…………………… („-~~-„¸_….,/ì'Ì
…….…………………….¸„-^"¯( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ¸-¯"¯/'
……………………¸„„-^"¯ ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡'\¸„„,-"
**¯¯¯'^^~-„„„----~^*'"¯ ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡¸-"
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)„-^" : ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡„-
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ¸„-^¯
( ͡° ͜ʖ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ¸„„-^¯
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.( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° \,
GIT GUD KID
Oooh
We're no strangers to love
You know the rules and so do I
A full commitment's what I'm thinking of
You wouldn't get this from any other guy
I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling
Gotta make you understand
Never gonna give you up
Never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around and desert you
Never gonna make you cry
Never gonna say goodbye
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you
We've known each other for so long
Your heart's been aching, but
You're too shy to say it
Inside, we both know what's been going on
We know the game and we're gonna play it
And if you ask me how I'm feeling
Don't tell me you're too blind to see
Never gonna give you up
Never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around and desert you
Never gonna make you cry
Never gonna say goodbye
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you
Never gonna give you up
Never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around and desert you
Never gonna make you cry
Never gonna say goodbye
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you
╱╱╱╱╱╱╱╱╱╱╱╭╮╱╭━╮╱╱╱╱╱╱╱╱╱╱╭╮
╱╱╱╱╱╱╱╱╱╱╱┃┃╱┃╭╯╱╱╱╱╱╱╱╱╱╱┃┃
╭━━┳━━┳━━┳━╯┃╭╯╰┳━┳┳━━┳━╮╭━╯┃
┃╭╮┃╭╮┃╭╮┃╭╮┃╰╮╭┫╭╋┫┃━┫╭╮┫╭╮┃
┃╰╯┃╰╯┃╰╯┃╰╯┃╱┃┃┃┃┃┃┃━┫┃┃┃╰╯┃
╰━╮┣━━┻━━┻━━╯╱╰╯╰╯╰┻━━┻╯╰┻━━╯
╭━╯┃ ⓖⓞⓞⓓ ⓕⓡⓘⓔⓝⓓ ⓖⓞⓞⓓ ⓕⓡⓘⓔⓝⓓ+ⓡⓔⓟ
╰━━╯ ⓖⓞⓞⓓ ⓕⓡⓘⓔⓝⓓ ⓖⓞⓞⓓ ⓕⓡⓘⓔⓝⓓ+ⓡⓔⓟ
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