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报告翻译问题

(u all know who you are) lol!!!!!!!!!!!
you: you threw my hampster shouting "GO PIKACHU!!!!!"
You: DUDE! you went up to a hobo who had a long white beard and yelled "DUMBLEDORE YOUR ALIVE!"
She examined her license & said, "Darn it, it's been a long hard day, it's Friday,
I don't need the frustration of more paperwork or the overtime.
If you can give me one GOOD excuse for speeding that I've never heard before,
I'll let you go without a ticket."
The woman thinks for a minute & says, "Well last week my lazy husband ran off with a cop.
I was afraid you were trying to give him back!"
Have a nice weekend," said the cop.
you: you was shakeing pineapples and yelling "spongebob I know your in there!"
when avoiding a deer and about to run in a ditch.
.98% of country drivers will say "hold my beer and watch this"
(u all know who you are) lol!!!!!!!!!!!
A huge Heart covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service.
Following the eulogy, the heart opened, and the casket rolled inside.
The heart then closed, sealing the doctor in the beautiful heart forever.
...At that point, one of the mourners burst into laughter.
When all eyes stared at him, he said,
"I'm sorry, I was just thinking of my own funeral........I'm a gynecologist".
The proctologist fainted.
So he decides to try it out at dinner.
DAD: Son, where were you today during school?
SON: At school *robot slaps son* SON: Ok, I went to the movies.
DAD: Which one? SON: Toy Story *robot slaps son again*
SON: Ok, it was A Day with a Porn Star.
DAD: WHAT?! When I was your age, I didn't even know what porn was. *Robot slaps dad*
MOM: HAHA!! After all he is your son, *robot slaps mom*
Me: embarrassed, "Doin' fine!"
Stall: "So what are you up to?"
Me: "Uhhh, I'm like you, just sitting here."
Stall: "Can I come over?"
Me: (attitude) "No, I'm a little busy right now!!"
Stall: "Listen, I'll have to call you back. There's an idiot in the other stall who keeps answering all my questions!