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报告翻译问题

I hate to be the brony ♥♥♥ but:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xPfMb50dsOk
I have officaly commerialed the hell out of my group so my work is done, but remember that I have bad English (this all started as a joke and still is)
9.I hid in the dryer as a kid. My mother couldn't find me for 2 hours. Then when she finally figured out where I was, she said out loud "Well, I can't find Sam anywhere. I guess I'll just do some laundry in the meantime." Then she turned on the power to the dryer which makes it go into auto-lock and clicked the dial. I think I'm being clever, when all the sudden I realize I've just given myself a death sentence. You have no idea what this does to the mentality of a child. I start banging on the door, crying out with tears streaming down my face, "Please, mom, please! Don't do it!" And she let me out. And I never forgave her. And now I fear washers and dryers. And also laundry. Which is why I've never worn clothes since that day. Which is also why my classmates gave me the nickname Nudy Cheeks
10. I can decribe a whole book only using the cover
1. this economy is falling apart
2. I am pretty rad
3. (ง ͠° ͟ل͜ ͡°)ง
4.ヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ノ ʀᴀɪsᴇ ᴜʀ ᴅᴏɴɢᴇʀs ヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ノ
5. i am not a weeaboo
6. equaity is kool
7. i sexually identify as Billy Mayes
https://soundcloud.com/generallee24/bonus-ducks
Love your vids, man. Keep up the good work
Oohh yea I'm a goat
wow