Wow, fuck, I should have posted this earlier, but the model still compiles. It spits out an error, but it works still.

No worries, I guess.

http://i.imgur.com/NNIp2dp.png here ya go.

Here it is:
http://i.imgur.com/Pw1jiBI.png
Thanks for the replies. Must be draining working IT, but you're going above and beyond here c:

I was mistaken, I am using 2.7.1. It's not giving me the error at this moment.
The error was: when exporting a model, instead of saying "x models exported in y seconds" with a blue "i" icon, it would say "Traceback: " with some code accompanied by a yellow "!" triangle.

Using blender 2.77 with most recent source tools, 2.4.1. Reinstalled the source tools twice, no luck. It was working fine yesterday, but today it started throwing out errors. It worked once normally, but then it started failing again.

Not sure how to fix it, does/did anyone else have this problem?

EDIT: It just randomly went away. Never mind for now.
EDIT 2: It's just stopped working again.

Fortunately hats are 1400 at most, not sure about weapons. I found a couple scripts that didn't spit out errors that did warn about high-detail meshes, but none seemed to work.

Ah. I hadn't updated my Blender in a while, and didn't see that feature.
I did some looking, and couldn't find any way to select duplicate vertices- if you were able to do that, you could mark them as sharp then hit "remove doubles". That would be a quick fix to this issue.

I'm slightly confused. I've read a couple topics from some years ago stating that hard edge importing would be easier to do when Blender gets custom normal support (which makes complete sense).
I looked up "blender custom normals", but I'm not getting many concrete answers on whether Blender has support for them or not. There is a normals tab under the "Object data" category on the right hand side, and there is a "Data transfer" modifier which lets you create face-weighted normals, but I'm not sure if this is what Artfunkel was talking about.
Is there enough custom normal support in Blender to be able to import smoothing groups?