I’ll go first cus I’m just better like that

There once was a man who was hungry, very hungry. In fact he was so hungry that his fat ass couldn’t even find any food in his house because he ate it last time this happened. He soon realized he needed to stock up food again for another gorge. There was only one problem. It required something that he hated. That EVERYONE on off topic hates.

Real life social interaction.

In order to go to get food he had to go out into public. Something that I know you fear, as does he. He tried to prepare himself by asking OT, Discord, and Reddit for advice, but his discord/reddit mod ass was so unliked across the internet that no one would help him. He finally decided that if his mom wouldn’t do it, he would have to. He entered his car and tried to start driving but his absolute girth weighed down the car so much that it couldn’t move and he couldn’t even reach the wheel over the many rolls of fat he had. He had to get his decrepit mobility scooter out after many months of not leaving his ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥. After turning the scooter on, he slowly dragged across the sidewalk to the nearest Walmart. After parking his scooter in 4 parking spaces at once like an absolute jackass he walked into the Walmart, barely clothed with only his fedora and barefoot. Of course Walmart did nothing about this as this was the usual case for their stores. He rolled his was to the food section of the store and had to squeeze through many tight walk spaces to get there. After finally making it he thought his journey was almost done. This lapse in judgment was, however, wrong. A man walked up to him and without saying anything the fatass went off at him for being too woke and judgmental towards him. This was his first challenge. He had to best this man in a battle. The fight would be short and swift as the actually normal one quickly punched his multiple times in the face and nuts. This left the globular manchild stunned while the man ran away. Suddenly the goth baddie of his dreams appeared beside him asking if he was ok. This was the one type of human he would willingly interact with, as he was an incel who viewed woman (and children) as an object to be collected. She offered to help but the meat sack of a human being kept saying creepy things to her and eventually scared her off, but not before she maced him multiple times.
He decided to cut his losses and just shoplift snacks under his shirt as quickly as possible. After escaping this ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ of a store he finally was on his way back to his virgin cave. However, this journey did not come without challenges either. Halfway through his slow drag, his scooter ran out of gas. He was miles away from a gas station so he finally had to activate his legs for the first time in 5 years. He pushed with all his girth and got the scooter rolling at a steady 2mph.
Hours later he returned home when he realized his mother locked the doors and left a note telling him to “Exercise his fat ass until she got home.”. Like the dumbass he is he broke a window and returned to his goon grotto with only snacks and scars to show.

I thought this would be a good scary story as every sentence of this story relates to the things of Off Topic in many ways. Thank you for listening and please share your own tales.