Steam has officially entered its “diva era” and refuses to run on my PC. I’ve done the adult troubleshooting routine, uninstall, reinstall, reboot, question my life choices. Nothing. Steam just sits there like, “Adorable effort. Denied.”

So I escalated.

I prayed.
I offered a blood sacrifice (fine, a paper cut, but still).
I reset my router’s chakras.
I whispered sweet nothings into my GPU.
I smudged the hard drive with sage like a tech exorcist.
I threatened the motherboard with a full Linux conversion.
I even held a séance to summon the spirit of Windows 7.

Steam remains unbothered.

And the best part? I checked online and apparently half the internet is having the same issue. New forum threads are popping up like Steam has launched a global “Let’s Not Work Today” event and forgot to tell us.

If anyone’s got a ritual stronger than what I’ve already tried, and ideally one that won’t involve law enforcement, I’m listening.