Since there doesn't appear to be one yet, I wanted to post a basic guide for people who are apparently confused about this game.

The life of a DOGE is hard. Cats hate you, banana peels hate you, birds hate you, sewer drains hate you, but hey, at least there's panties to make it all better.

---

There are several things you should know if you're going to venture out into the big wide side-scrolling world of Montaro; namely, there are some hazards you should avoid!

- Orange kitties that sit on blue boxes don't like it when you come near them! Stay away from their televisions and yellow...refrigerators? I'm gonna say refrigerators. 1 Hit K.O.!

- Big black crows are the masters of the sky. They bob up and down like bouncy little baby bazookas. Alliteration. 1 Hit K.O.!

- Sewer drains are for people and sewers, not silly little doggies. Instant Death!

- Flocks of angry chickens, running rampant and enraged in the streets. These fluffy little nuggets will knock you right into oblivion. 1 Hit K.O.!

- Blue birds- wait, are they parrots? Parakeets? Who knows- you might be able to see them coming, but it won't hurt any less when they're crammed all thirteen of them down your throat. Instant Annihilation!

- Edit: Bicycles are made of pain and suffering and death - and cooties! Jump over them or you'll die full of regret. 1 Hit K.Eww, cooties!

---

There are also some hazards that aren't as unfriendly.

- Banana peels are everywhere. Seriously, who's doing this? I know it's biodegradeable, but it's still impolite to just leave your peels on the- what's this? I can bounce on them? Oh my! I'm an acrobatic little pupper, aren't I? I guess banana peels aren't so bad after all. Hit too many of them and you'll get banana fever, during which you won't be able to jump, but it goes away eventually. Just like scurvy or dysentery. Plus, drop onto one of these suckers from a building and show those crows who's the real master of the sky!

- Lonely chickens that sit by themselves on buildings and sometimes in the streets aren't as lonely as they look. Knock into one and you'll soon see the fury of so many feathered fowls sprinting across the road. Wait, the chicken gang can't jump, you say? Alright, then just stick to the tops of buildings to avoid these vengeful beasts.

- Flocks of blue birds like to chill on roofs sometimes, and they're pretty easily avoided once you learn to time your jumps, but if it's not down pat, you'll end up clipping one or, hell, screw it, just barrel through the entire flock, I guess birdy genocide is okay if you're a doggie. And then, my my, you'll have a bigger problem on your little paws besides all the blood. These guys like to scope out the enemy before they go in for the kill. And you'd best get your fanciest leotard on, 'cause you'll need some serious acrobatic skillz to escape these target-locking little psychos.

---

All that being said, it seems there's a lot of dangers out there that may make you want to give up, but stand tall, little DOGE! For there are good things in this world as well.

- Bouncy cats! They hide in little blue receptacles and give you a boost that's just plain adorable.

- Signs! I have no idea what they say, but there's white ones with black writing, white ones with red writing, yellow ones, white ones with blue writing, green ones, and lots of other signs, too.

- Pole kitties! How'd you get stuck there, little buddy? Need help getting down? Oh- oh, you're hissing. Okay, okay. You're fine. You're fine. ...You really look like you need help.

- Schoolgirls, and their panties. Amazing how, even having their panties nabbed by a flippy floppy little doggie, they keep walking. You go, girl. You are a trooper. I will wear this panty on my head like a protective battle helmet. May I be blessed with their pretty pink powers.

- Edit: Stairs, the sweet, sweet gateways to D coin heaven! You've got to jump onto the stairs or you'll end up walking right past them, so make sure you're prepared for ascension! Wheee!

---

Edit: Now's about a good time to go over some tips and tricks to help you navigate your little feeties through all the rage-inducing death!

1. Montaro's jump is pretty long, so if you see a hazard coming up, experiment with timing your jump to get it just right.

2. Banana peels are often placed between buildings, so if you walk off the edge, you'll end up bouncing right up to the next one! During the time you're spinning like a little furry pinwheel, you're invincible to damage!

3. If you see one or two banana peels right before a sewer or an orange kitty, instead of jumping to avoid the peels (which may send you flying right into the more dangerous stuff) try jumping onto the peels and building up height to cross the bigger hazard at the end. (I should clarify: don't just walk onto the peels. Jump! Click that little mouse before the first peel, and again when you land on it!)

4. Avoiding the chicken gangs can be surprisingly difficult, even if you've done it before and you know what to do. If you know they're coming, try to get onto the rooftops quick! If you can't, even a sign, vending machine, or half-wall will do the trick so that you're not on the ground. And remember to look both ways before you jump down, as these suckers charge twice!

5. Blue birds are the bane of my existence. Even though I can see them coming, sometimes there's just too many bananas, kitties, and chickens in the way to get to a safe spot! But if you can, try to have them lock onto you when you're either very high or on the ground. Then, make your way up or down to avoid the swarm. Remember, though, that sometimes this won't work - in that case, try to time it right and jump over them as they fly towards you! With practice, you'll be able to skirt right over the top of the swarm.

6. Sleepy little white kitties with brown splotches don't seem to get too annoyed when you jump on them, but be careful, as jumping on those fuzzy trampolines can sometimes catapault you right into a crow! It's best to walk, not jump, over these guys.

7. Bicycles will be parked in front of apartments, and while they're not too bad if you jump over them, they can send you flying into oblivion if you run into them on the ground! The nice thing is that apartments usually have stairs you can jump onto to go up hight and avoid all the ground hazards. Once you reach this area, try to climb those stairs whenever you can.

8. Sometimes, orange kitties will smack you out of existence even though you're sure you jumped soon enough. To make sure you don't clip into their hitbox, jump early to land on top of the yellow fridge.

9. As you progress through the game, hazards will become more frequent - on the occasion that you encounter multiple hazards on the hight and low ground, try to take the middle: jump over the low hazard, like an orange cat or a sewer drain, and avoid jumping into the above hazard, like a chicken or flock of blue birds. Then continue on your way like the boss you are.

---

Finally, there's the real meat of this game. Not that chicken by-product, corn gluten, rice grain bullcrap, I mean the real reason we play this game. I'm talking about collecting that sweet, sweet DOGEcoin and unlocking some epic costumes. Yes, costumes. It honestly took me a good hour to figure out how to unlock these things. Go figure - you click on the little D coin icon!

And another heads up about the coins: they increase your score! So don't be like me and try to skirt along the bottom and avoid all the hazards up top, because all you'll end up doing is staring at that 3xxx score and wishin you'd lived the high life, like sunglasses-cigarette DOGE does. What a cool little dude.

---

That about does it for now. If I've missed anything, it's because I've only just barely made it to the apartments! I really need practice with all of this. Maybe I should look up a guide. ...Oh.

Thank you to anyone who's read this whole mess. If you have anything else to add, please feel free to comment. ;D