تكين 8 ممتعة وحماسية واكيد تستاهل التجربة

brainrot game, makes your iq go lower. This game is just designed wrong way. You have to be a pro player to learn and use defence, but you don't need to have a brain to do insane offence. Impossible to disengage in a fight without relying on stupid powercrush/evasive moves. Overtuned characters. Devs don't fix straight bs in balance. Better wait for next game if you want to learn tekken, or just play older games :(

How does one begin? When I bought this game it was $70. Good graphics excellent gameplay...until i pressed buttons. I can only imagine that it was bring your disabled kid to work day when "heat" mode was discussed. "Hey, we've got a moderately paced martial arts inspired fighting game on our hands here, is there a way we could slow down the game so that Simple Jack can follow?" the only-loyal-to-his-disabled-son developer queries.
"I press button and screen go pow!" says Jack.
"Slow it down you say?" The only executive at Namco not licking his own bollocks asks. "I've been told the people who give us money have been distressed about the put your controller down until the next round starts gameplay we put out in Tekken 7! Oh wait I missed a spot!" The executive then proceeds to, tongue first, insert his swollen dome so far up his rectum that he instantaneously is reborn as a Team Ninja Executive.
"But how is shoving your enormous swollen greedy head up your tailpipe going to help my poor moronic son understand the slam dunk gameplay that kids have been enjoying at arcades and consoles for decades?"
"Money!" the newly reincarnated Team Ninja saboteur of Namco replies.
"I'm not sure I understand sir. How is 'money' going to allow my unfathomably Inept, barely conscious son to be differently able to play the absolute unit of a game that's been nothing but net for over two decades that we almost ruined with cut scene damage and chip damage levitation?" The developer's eyebrows nearly cave in his own face with concern.
"I PRESS BUTTON! SCREEN...GOES...POW!!!" Jack Exclaims, slightly distracted with the hurdle of his own fist being lodged in his nose.
"It's simple. Almost elementary." the secret Team Ninja Executive boasts. "What we'll do is put all of the customization options behind a paywall! We can charge $70 for a game with 32 characters and 8 stages and then charge $40 for 4 characters and 2 stages in a bit. We've already been using 'season' so the idiots that play these games Won't Even Notice! Then next season we can charge it AGAIN!!! Oh my. "He erupts into a furious array of laughter that last way longer than even he expected. Then he wipes a tear from his laughter weary eye and stares as it rolls off of his finger and elegantly dives into his moose knuckle rug. "Wait. As I recall, these fictional fighters can be customized. Correct?" The force of his eyebrow raise almost yanks him off of the smelly rug.
"Well...yes...sir." The developer stammers. "But, I don't see how this solves..."
"OF COURSE! We encourage ingenuity and personalization! YES!! No longer! Unless you pay, of course. We'll even steal..eh hem, i mean borrow, some ideas from predatory mobile and mmo 'games' that encourage the 'gamer' to spend money to look cool or silly! Who doesn't want to look like a disney reject character for ten bucks!?" he seems to find his trousers somewhat uncomfortable as he readjusts his crotch.
"These are all great ideas, sir, but the absolutely IQ demolishing actions of my youth have ruined my reproductive facilities and I now have to deal with the fact that I'm basically keeping a talking dog with hands alive." The developer retorts.
"I Want Button POW!!" is Jack's rebuttal.
"Oh I'll POW all right. POW them right in their wallets!" the fake Namco executive schemes. "We'll put this on steam but if you buy a cheaper version you'll have to buy the premium version to upgrade and each individual item can add up to over $250 not even including the price of the game itself!!!!!" the amount of laughter radiated after this statement would fuel Monstropolis for decades.
"Look, I understand sir," the developer stands his feeble minded ground. "but I am appalled that you are continuously neglecting the fact that my objectively moronic son will not be able to enjoy this game based solely on what he is currently endeavoring to do."
Jack has now positioned himself under the executive and has aimed his torpedo shaped head towards the executives exposed posterior.
"GAME GO POW!!" Jack exclaims with eminent fervor.
"Fine." the executive relents. "We'll just add a button that does combos for him. Does that satisfy?" he then sniffs his fingers.
"Thank you sir." the developer tries to hide his exuberance. "I look forward to working on this lurking vampire-like, ever greedy landfill of money grubbing refuse you've envisioned...as long as my brick of progeny can enjoy it! "But one more thing, sir?"
"What is it?" the executive annoying asks. "And be quick, my anus calls me."
"Of course. Is there a way we can add more cut scene damage? The flow of gameplay is way to smooth and my absolute black hole of intelligence can't follow it unless it's broken by constant interruptions. Maybe with flashy nonsensical action sequences where we have to reset the camera angle?" the developer touches his stubby pointer fingers together in a useless way.
"Only if we can 'borrow' every stylistic sequence from every other game that does it."
"Of course, sir, our new staff doesn't know anything else!" the developer tries to salute but he forgot what loyalty
was long ago.
Team Ninja shouldn't have done it, Namco. Why did you? I have friends that have been playing Tekken for decades
who resist getting on. It's a clown show where at least 70% of top tier play requires no controller. Shame.